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Turns out, there's a lot. Ways Dating Is Different After 30. Dating is never easy.

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Figuring out ways to meet new people, knowing the right things to say, and deciphering the best methods to impress a potential mate can be confusing and overwhelming. While I count myself lucky that I haven't been on the market for several years (I swear I'm not rubbing it in), many of my friends have become increasingly frustrated by how difficult dating is, especially after 30. But what makes dating after 30 different from dating in your 20s? Turns out, there's a lot. I spoke to dating and relationship experts as well as women who are navigating dating after 30 to find out what's so different and how to make it easier. The dating pool is smaller. According to the Pew Research Center, the average age for marriage in the United States in 2011 was 27 for women and 29 for men, so by the time we hit 30 a lot of our friends and potential mates are already in committed relationships. This means that the dating pool after 30 isn't quite what it used to be. The dating pool has shrunk by 30, with more of your peers in long-term relationships or marriages, and with your social circle feeling smaller," said eHarmony's Chief of Advice Jeannie Assimos. "This is when dating services come in handy, to find the others that are available and ready to date." Laura Ryan, a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified hypnotherapist, and certified Imago Relationship Therapist agreed. "Many eligible men have now gotten married or are in long term relationships because nesting and settling down is something that starts to happen in your late 20s and people begin to marry and have children in their 30s," she said. "Your pool of girlfriends also shrinks because many of them are now married and/or have children, so they are less inclined to want to go out for half-price Margaritas with you on a Tuesday." With fewer potential partners to choose from and no wing woman, things can be a little tough. Your goals are different. After 30, many experts agree that women are more interested in commitment than ever before. "Several of the women I'm currently working with report that they've set specific timelines for potential relationships. They expect to discuss living together after nine months of dating and want to get engaged within 18 months," said Dr. Jess O'Reilly, Astroglide's resident sexologist. "I often caution against these time-based goals, but ultimately, they're the experts in their own relationships." Rhonda Milrad, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of the relationship app Your Sage, agreed, telling me that after 30, people are looking for a life partner. "Up until this time, your priorities have been career and experiencing life, and you weren't interested in settling down. You did not feel the pressure to start thinking about what city you wanted to end up in and the age by which you wanted to have your first kid," Milrad said. "Now, in your 30s, priorities are changing, biological realities are setting in and your focus is to find someone with whom you can build a life and have children." Your brain is different too. It isn't just that the dating pool is smaller after 30, it's also that your brain has literally changed since you were 21 and sidling up to the hottie at the bar. "Brain development is the primary reason dating after 30 is so different," said David Ezell, the clinical director at Darien Wellness. "Cognitive development is done after the age of 25 and as executive functioning comes into play connecting today's actions with tomorrow's desires begins to be the driving force in healthy people's lives. People discover what they want and start seeking partners who can give it to them." Tinder may not be for you. Because your goals after 30 may be quite different than your dating goals from your 20s, dating apps may not be the best bet for meeting people. "It's of much higher likelihood that when you're on the other side of 30 that you're seeking a partner to share your life with. The apps are millennial focused and there is a current 'hookup' movement, which you will be mixed up in on the apps," said certified international dating and relationship Megan Weks. "It's possible that you may bump into someone who is age appropriate who wants the same things, but it's difficult to navigate the apps when it comes to figuring out the other person's goals. The best way to find out is to ask!" Brandyce Stephenson, the owner of a marketing consulting business and self-proclaimed "single gal in her 30s" who lives in West Palm Beach, Florida agreed. She told me that traditional dating apps don't have what she's looking for. "I would certainly say [apps like Tinder are] more for a good time than forever, but that has changed for me in my 30s, I'm not interested in that." You're set in your ways (and so are they) While dating in your 20s may mean a lot of compromise and dating people who have very different values than you, by the time you hit 30 those days are over. "Another major transition in the 30s is being more set on one's values and preferences.













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where to meet guys in their 30s