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Penny Vogt, 67, has experienced the good and the bad of dating as an older adult. Whether they&#039,d just gotten out of a long marriage, were too eager to jump into&#8230,
Dating for Older Adults: Is it Really That Different? Penny Vogt, 67, has experienced the good and the bad of dating as an older adult.

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Whether they’d just gotten out of a long marriage, were too eager to jump into a relationship, weren’t interested in fun activities, or were dealing with their grown children’s disapproval, the men she’s dated have largely been difficult to connect with. “My goal for dating is for companionship, a partner to do things and go places with,” says Vogt, who was married for 21 years before divorcing. “I miss the daily interaction with a partner as well as having someone in your life who cares about you and that you matter to. Your kids grow up and love and care about you, but they’re involved in their own lives. I’m not looking for marriage material — just someone who is decent, kind and fun!” Vogt’s dating dilemmas are all very familiar for seniors seeking a new special someone. Here’s how to navigate the new rules of dating as an older adult, and what to be aware of when you do find someone who makes you feel as giddy as a teenager. Dating as an Older Adult: Rediscovering Love and Companionship. The human need for connection to others doesn’t diminish as we age, and neither do the butterflies we get when dating someone new. “Many of the highs and lows of the dating roller coaster are the same: Will they text or call me, did they like me, was I too loud or pushy or quiet on our date, when should I have sex with this person?” says Janie Steckenrider, a professor at Loyola Marymount University who studies aging and sexuality. Older people also experience the same excitement around emotional connections and physical intimacy as younger people do. That includes sex. “People don’t like to think about their grandparents being sexually active, so it’s easier and more comfortable to buy into the myth that they are asexual and uninterested in sex,” Steckenrider says. However, in a recent study, 91% of older adults said sexual chemistry is important for a romantic relationship. The growth of senior living facilities and retirement communities has provided more opportunities to meet others at social events. “This clustering of older adults promotes opportunities for both intimacy and hook-ups,” Steckenrider says. Benefits of dating for seniors. Loneliness affects both physical and mental health, so romantic connections offer benefits beyond mere enjoyment. In fact, romantic relationships have health benefits for seniors, including: — Less stress. Research has shown that seniors in satisfying relationships have lower cortisol levels, indicating less stress. This may also lead to better heart health. — Reduced depression. Social isolation is a risk factor for worsening mental health in seniors. Positive social connections, on the other hand, have been linked to lower rates of depression. — Improved mood. Physical intimacy, including cuddling, hugging and sex, releases oxytocin, the “feel-good” hormone, increasing happiness. — Healthier behaviors. Seniors in active relationships tend to get more physical activity. They also tend to have better personal hygiene. — Better health outcomes. Research has shown that strong relationships are linked with better recovery after surgery, less chronic pain and improved well-being for those with serious health conditions, including cancer. — Increased lifespan. Ultimately, close connections with others lead to a longer, more fulfilling life. Embracing your life experience and confidence. Dating as an older adult also means you’re more comfortable and confident in who you are, making it easier to be open and honest with potential partners, as long as you’re not too set in your ways. “With age comes the awareness that life is short, so you are far less likely to put up with any nonsense or drama,” Steckenrider says. In addition, the pressure to “settle down” and start a family is gone. Relationships at this time of life are solely about enjoying another person’s company. Understanding Your Relationship Goals and Interests. Finding a romantic relationship when you’re older involves soul-searching to figure out what you’re looking for at this point in life and making sure your partner is on the same page. “Communication is key! Engaging in open and honest conversations about desires and concerns can help older adults navigate these decisions,” says Amanda Krisher, the associate director of behavioral health for the National Council on Aging. — How do you define romantic fulfillment? — What activities help you feel connected to your partner? — What creates a “spark” between you and a partner? — What do you value most in a relationship? — Do you want to get married again? At this point in life, marriage may not be necessary or desired, but if it is, there are certain considerations. Talk with your partner about: — How this decision might impact each person’s financial status. — Family members’ concerns and how you’ll respond. — Each person’s future care plan — to age in place or move to a senior living facility, for example, and how the other person will fit into this plan. — Expectations each person has regarding sex and intimacy. “Once you have answered these questions, you can discuss them with your potential partner, having them answer the same questions,” Krisher says. Where and How to Meet Other Older Singles. According to surveys, many older people feel unsure how to meet new people or act romantically when they do. Even with the abundance of modern technologies available for connecting, considering “old-fashioned” methods that may put you at ease. Through friends.













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